Yada, Yada, Yada … These Are My Favorite ‘Seinfeld’ Episodes
After publishing two serious blogs about how music got me through my grandfather’s death and why our president is a racist twat for renaming a beloved mountain, I figured readers of “A Fan’s Notes” could use some comic relief. I know I sure could.
My latest is a look at “Seinfeld,” the groundbreaking, award-winning “show about nothing” that ran from 1989-1998 and is considered not only one of the best sitcoms of all time but one of the best television shows, period. Jason Alexander as George, Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine, and Michael Richards as Kramer were the perfect complement to Jerry Seinfeld, who basically played himself.
Indeed, everything about this show was pitch-perfect, from the main characters to the supporting cast, from the catchphrases to the cameos, from Mulva to the Moops.
One of its groundbreaking elements was how “Seinfeld” broke the norms of situational comedy. The show famously lived by Larry David’s cardinal rule: There would be no hugging on the show, and the main characters—Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer—wouldn’t learn anything during their encounters, exploits, misadventures, and misdeeds.
How refreshing to watch a show that never aired a “very special episode” and never took itself too seriously. The only feeling one experienced after “Seinfeld” was stomach cramps from laughter. The humor was real, and it was spectacular.
This will be the first installment of “A Fan’s Notes” that avoids a deep dive into how my life aligns with the object of my obsession and instead jumps right with a ranking of my favorite episodes. That’s because there’s not much I can say about “Seinfeld” that hasn’t been said already.
I might write other blogs that center on “Seinfeld”—favorite quotes, favorite side characters, favorite guests, favorite lies that George tells—but for now, feel free to bust out your everyday ballons because here are my 25 favorite episodes ranked in descending order.
My favorite Seinfeld episodes
25) “The Outing,” Season 4, Ep. 16
Favorite line: “I’ve been outed, I wasn’t even in!”
A harmless prank leads to a reporter falsely outing Jerry and George as gay—not that there’s anything wrong with that—but as Jerry tries to correct the story, George leans into it as a way to dump the girl he’s dating.
24) “The Boyfriend,” Season 3, Ep. 17 (part 1)
Favorite line: “And you want to be my latex salesman.”
George tries to stay on unemployment by pretending he’s close to a sales position with the fictitious “Vandelay Industries.” He fails, of course, and in the closing scene, Jerry utters the line pasted above. It’s one of several highlights of this two-part episode that also features baseball legend Keith Hernandez.
23) “The Invitations,” Season 7, Ep. 22
Favorite line: “Poor Lily.”
In the final episode he wrote, aside from the finale a couple of years later, Larry David went out with a bang by scripting the “accidental” death of George’s fiancé Susan (who Kramer thinks is named Lily) in the most Costanza way possible—buying cheap yet toxic envelopes for their wedding invitations.
22) “The Package,” Season 8, Ep. 5
Favorite line: “But they do, and they’re the ones writing it off.”
During tax season, Sandy and I often cite this exchange between Jerry and Kramer about tax write-offs. That scene alone earned this episode a spot on the list. The photo store mix-up that leads to Kramer taking sexy photos of George to engage in the “timeless art of seduction” is another reason for the ranking.
21) “The Hamptons,” Season 5, Ep. 20
Favorite line: “I was in the pool! I was in the pool!”
Shenanigans follow the crew to the beach as George suffers “significant shrinkage,” gets mad at Jerry’s girlfriend for telling his date about being short-changed, and exacts his revenge on the woman—who happens to be kosher—by making eggs with lobster that Kramer stole from a commercial trap. It’s all quite breathtaking.
20) “The Puffy Shirt,” Season 5, Ep. 2
Favorite line: “But I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
Most of us have encountered a “low talker” in our lives—one of the many phrases “Seinfeld” made popular—but I doubt it resulted in being humiliated on national TV while promoting a charity that clothes the homeless and simultaneously wearing a designer puffy shirt better suited for a pirate.
19) “The Bubble Boy,” Season 4, Ep. 6
Favorite line: “Oh no, I’m so sorry, it’s the Moops.”
Jerry’s visit to a sick boy who lives in a plastic bubble turns tragically comedic (or comedically tragic) when a misprinted Trivial Pursuit card and George’s refusal to admit the mistake results in the Bubble Boy going to the hospital. George is nothing if not consistent. To top things off, Kramer burns down Susan’s family cabin.
18) “The Yada Yada,” Season 8, Ep. 19
Favorite line: “I’ve yada-yada-ed sex.”
George dates a girl who shortens her stories with the filler words “yada yada yada,” but it turns out that what she’s omitting is pretty terrible. Yada yada yada, Dr. Watley (Bryan Cranston) turns Jewish for the jokes, Kramer and Mickey date friends, and Elaine and Jerry try to break up a marriage.
17) “The Comeback,” Season 8, Ep. 13
Favorite line: “Yeah, well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you!”
Ah, poor George, who can’t come up with a zinger to save his life. We’ve all been there, though probably not as bad as Costanza when he inadvertently makes fun of a coworker’s wife who, it so happens, is in a coma. Nope, not even coma patients on life support were off-limits for this show.
16) “The Little Kicks,” Season 8, Ep. 4
Favorite line: “Sweet fancy Moses.”
Elaine decides to dance—well, it was more of a “full-body dry heave set to music,” as George describes it—at her work party and becomes the office laughingstock. George becomes the “bad boy,” and Jerry becomes a bootlegger. The whole episode is, in fact, a real kick.
15) “The Conversion,” Season 5, Ep. 11
Favorite line: “This was the only woman I never lied to—well, that’s not entirely true.”
A fungicide causes confusion with Jerry, Elaine, and their respective love interests. George plans to convert to Latvian Orthodox to win back a woman, only for her to move to Latvia for a year. And a nun falls for Kramer, forcing him to douse himself with foul-smelling items to repel her attraction.
14) “The Race,” Season 6, Ep. 10
Favorite line: “Faster than a speeding bullet, Lois.”
Jerry is dating a girl named Lois, which, of course, reminds him of Lois Lane. Her boss is Jerry’s former high school classmate, who lost to Jerry in a footrace in the ninth grade but feels Jerry cheated. Only Jerry and George know that Jerry indeed got a head start and didn’t win fair and square. The boss challenges him to a rematch, Jerry finally agrees to race once more, and—you guessed it—he cheats again and wins again, as the “Superman” theme plays.
13) “The Abstinence,” Season 8, Ep. 9
Favorite line: “I don’t know no Portuguese.”
When George’s girlfriend tells him she can’t sleep with him for a while, he’s no longer preoccupied with sex, so he’s able to focus. He becomes, for the first time, brilliant. Elaine also stops having sex, but it has the reverse effect, and she turns into a blathering idiot. Jerry gets booked for career day at his old junior high school, but it goes awry several times. Kramer starts a smoking club and winds up as the new Marlboro Man.
12) “The Fusilli Jerry,” Season 6, Ep. 20
Favorite line: “Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.”
Kramer makes statuettes of his friends using pasta—he creates Jerry’s out of fusilli because Jerry is “silly” and makes George’s out of ravioli for obvious reasons. At the DMV, Kramer receives the wrong license plate—a vanity plate that reads “Assman.” The plate was meant for a proctologist who later winds up helping Frank Costanza after the “Fusilli Jerry” winds up, well, you know where. The episode also introduces fans to one of the great side characters, David Puddy.
11) “The Soup Nazi,” Season 7, Ep. 6
Favorite line: “No soup for you!”
One of the series’ most iconic episodes due to its signature line from the so-called “Soup Nazi,” the owner of a soup stand who’s infamous for his rude demeanor. His rigid rules come back to haunt him when he offends Elaine, who finds the Soup Nazi’s recipes and puts him out of business. A hilarious side story involves Jerry and his girlfriend Sheila constantly calling each other “schmoopie,” which annoys everyone else. Jerry wisely chooses soup over Sheila, which she can’t believe.
10) “The Switch,” Season 6, Ep. 11
Favorite line: “Do you realize in the entire history of Western civilization, no one has successfully accomplished the roommate switch.”
Jerry and George scheme all night and day to devise the so-called roommate switch in which a guy—in this case, Jerry—can dump his girlfriend and start dating her roommate. The plan involves Jerry suggesting a menage a trois, but it backfires when the girlfriend is into the idea. Jerry knows he can’t go through with it because he’s not an “orgy guy.” We also learn Kramer’s first name—Cosmo!
9) “The Summer of George,” Season 8, Ep. 22
Favorite line: “I am smack dab in the middle of a good old-fashioned catfight.”
After receiving a severance, George has big summer plans, but he just snacks and watches TV until he decides to become Jerry’s “relationship intern” and helps him schedule his and his girlfriend’s calendar. Kramer fills seats at the Tony’s and winds up with a Tony of his own for “Scarsdale Surprise”—but he has to fire Raquel Welch to keep it. Elaine catfights with both Molly Shannon’s character and later Raquel. And the summer ends precisely how it should—with George injured for the remainder of his time off.
8) “The Library,” Season 3, Ep. 5
Favorite line: “I got a flash for you, joy boy, party time is over.”
This episode ranks high on my list because of the greatest cameo in the show’s history: Philip Baker Hall as Lt. Joe Bookman, aka the “library cop.” The scene where Bookman admonishes Jerry because of an overdue book, “Tropic of Cancer” by Henry Miller, while surreptitiously checking books in Jerry’s apartment to see if they’re from the New York Public Library is an all-timer.
7) “The Merv Griffin Show,” Season 9, Ep. 6
Favorite line: “Where are the cameras?”
Kramer re-creates the set of the Merv Griffin Show in his apartment and hosts his friends in faux talk show episodes, which include interviewing George about nearly killing a squirrel and Jerry about how he drugs his girlfriend so he can play with her collectible toys. Elaine is stymied at work by a “sidler” with a dead tooth.
6) “The Strike,” Season 9, Ep. 10
Favorite line: “A Festivus for the rest of us!”
We learn more about George’s unfortunate upbringing with the explanation of “Festivus,” a holiday Frank Costanza made up to combat the commercialization of Christmas. George is forced to accept his heritage when he’s busted at work for donating money to “The Human Fund”—a fake charity he made up so he wouldn’t have to buy colleagues Christmas presents. Jerry dates a “two-face,” and Kramer goes back to work at a bagel shop.
5) “The Chicken Roaster,” Season 8, Ep. 8
Favorite line: “That’s not going to be good for anybody.”
A chicken joint called Kenny Rogers Roasters (an actual restaurant) moves in across the street from Jerry’s and Kramer’s building, but the neon sign is so bright in Kramer’s window that he threatens to put it out of business. Since Jerry’s friend is now working there, he switches apartments with Kramer. In the process, they switch personalities. Meanwhile, Elaine goes crazy with her J. Peterman expense account, including buying a Sable hat for George, who’s trying to date a saleswoman with a little “Marisa Tomei thing.”
4) “The Opposite,” Season 5, Ep. 21
Favorite line: “Hi, my name is George Costanza, I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents.”
When George goes against every instinct he’s ever had, things finally turn in his favor, including dating a beautiful woman who doesn’t mind that he’s down-in-the dumps and landing a dream job with the Yankees. Unfortunately for Elaine, her luck goes down the toilet. But it all pans out for Jerry, who realizes he is a true “even Steven” when it comes to pretty much everything—even his friends’ fortunes.
3) “The Marine Biologist,” Season 5, Ep. 14
Favorite line: “What is that, a Titleist?”
Costanza pretending to be a marine biologist to impress an old college crush, which he’s suckered into because Jerry was trying to make George sound more impressive, and then finding himself on the beach when someone asks if there’s a marine biologist who can save a dying whale, which is dying only because of Kramer hitting golf balls on said beach, is the quintessential “Seinfeld” story arc. Jerry Seinfeld’s recent story about how George nailed this iconic monologue at the diner is a must-watch.
2) “The Contest,” Season 4, Ep. 11
Favorite line: “I’m out! I’m outta the contest.”
Who would be master of their domain during this uproarious episode about abstaining from self-pleasure to win a bet? “The Contest” is renowned for producing one of the funniest sitcom moments of all time when Kramer, after slinking away from watching a naked woman across the street, walks back into Jerry’s apartment a few minutes later, slams $100 on the counter, and declares he’s out of the contest. Now that’s gold.
1) “The Bizarro Jerry,” Season 8, Ep. 3
Favorite line: “Could you keep it down to a low roar? Some of us have to work in the morning.”
“The Contest” is No. 1 for many fans, but “The Bizarro Jerry” is the episode I watch the most. The whole ridiculous concept of a Bizarro World—a nod to Jerry’s beloved Superman mythology—is perfection. Each character has a hilarious storyline: Elaine hangs out with Kevin (aka, Bizarro Jerry); George uses the real story of his fiancé’s death but a picture of a more attractive woman to hang out in a “forbidden city” of beautiful models; Kramer “lands a job” at Brandt-Leland but isn’t getting paid; and Jerry dates a woman with “man hands.” Each scene is a riot, down to the Bizarro Newman character Vargas, who works for FedEx instead of the U.S. Postal Service. Clever to the very end.
OK, fellow Seinfeld fanatics, you’ve got your favorites, so which episodes would you add? Which ones would you drop? How would you reorder them? The show only had a few meh episodes and one stinker (“The Puerto Rican Day”), so I know I’m leaving some good ones off. Leave a comment below.
Ask me in a year—hell, ask me in a week—and this list might change depending on which episode I watched most recently.
Regardless of my indecision, when I ask myself if I’ll forever be a fan of this “show about nothing,” I can’t help but think of David Puddy’s comment while wearing his Magic 8 Ball jacket: “All signs point to yes.”
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