Introducing ‘A Fan’s Notes,’ the Blog

Welcome to the first installment of my new blog, “A Fan’s Notes,” whose title and theme come from one of my all-time favorite books, Frederick Exley’s 1968 “fictional memoir” of the same name.

I recently began reading “A Fan’s Notes” for the third time—or maybe it’s the fourth; I’ve lost count—and was reminded of its importance in my life, especially the powerful closing line of the book’s penultimate chapter: “It was my fate, my destiny, my end, to be a fan.”

That line, uttered as the author confronts his failures in life and being resigned to “sit in the stands with most men and acclaim others,” has become more haunting, more real, as I’ve grown older and considered my own fate, destiny and end. 

Rereading the book got me thinking of ways to proclaim publicly how much Exley—or Ex, as he was known—and his most famous work have meant to me.

An idea struck me while drinking beer and watching football on a recent Sunday afternoon (fittingly, as this was Exley’s favorite pastime): What about a blog that borrows the book’s title and loosely follows its theme of documenting things in life worthy of fanaticism?

I could create my own version of a fan’s notes by examining Exley’s heartbreaking line in a new light. Instead of despairing over the fact that I, too, “sit in the stands with most men and acclaim others,” I could revel in uplifting others and their accomplishments.

Though I’ll never produce anything as brilliant and important as the forlorn novel that Exley gave the world with “A Fan’s Notes,” here was a chance to pay tribute to both the artist and his work of art. While I hope to dive deeper into the intricacies and genius of the book in a future post, let me briefly share how Exley’s masterpiece inspired the creation of this blog.

When I first read “A Fan’s Notes” as a 21-year-old English major, I was so enamored with the book and its creator that I modeled my senior college photo after Exley’s author pic. I doubt many others from my old school—Rhodes College in Memphis—understood its meaning, except for my classmate and good friend Logan H. Germann, who took the photo and is as much a fan of Ex as I am. 

My only regret is wearing that ball cap. My hair probably wasn’t that far off from Exley’s, so losing the hat would’ve made a better side-by-side.

While reading the book, I also became obsessed with the cover art of the Vintage Contemporaries paperback, printed in April 1985.

I saw in that illustration by artist David Montiel not only an apt depiction of Exley’s world but a glimpse of my possible future: A lone, shapeless shadow in the doorway; an empty room save for a desk and typewriter; the blank pages of what would become a half-baked and more-than-likely mediocre novel whisked away through an open window; yellow and orange leaves falling on the floor.

To me, it symbolized the cruelty and beauty of that cruelest and most beautiful of seasons, autumn. And it perfectly captured the plight of a struggling writer.

Thankfully my life no longer resembles that image. Perhaps it never did. Yet I still romanticize the aesthetic and always will. Knowing Ex lived that life deepened my appreciation of his struggle and his success.

As my obsession with “A Fan’s Notes” grew, so did my collection of Exley-related material. I, of course, read his other two books, “Pages from a Cold Island” and “Last Notes from Home,” which technically completed a trilogy but failed to match the expectations Exley set with his first offering. He is a literary “one-hit wonder.”

I later bought the Modern Library reprint of “A Fan’s Notes.” That edition includes a fabulous introduction by Jonathan Yardley, who also authored the Exley bio “Misfit” (I read that one too). Yardley’s love of “A Fan’s Notes,” which, as he noted in the intro, became a “cult novel and a staple of university courses in modern fiction,” helped me realize there were others out there, aside from my friend Logan, who felt the same way about Exley’s opus. The cult was much bigger than just us.

“A Fan’s Notes” has several storylines that helped it achieve that cult status: the author’s obsession with football (particularly the New York Giants and one of its stars, Frank Gifford); his myriad addictions (from “heroic drinking” to pills to women); his mental illness (he had several stints in psychiatric hospitals); his complicated relationship with his father (alongside the Giants, perhaps the main reason we have this book); his many failures (both personal and professional); and his quest for fame (which he found, ironically, with a book that focused primarily on his shortcomings).

While my blog entries won’t match the tales of darkness, madness and sadness that Ex recounted in “A Fan’s Notes,” they will follow a simple theme meant to mirror the book’s title: Notes on the many things I’m passionate about and the reasons I’m so devoted to them.

“A Fan’s Notes,” the book, is about Exley’s obsessions, affinities and predilections. “A Fan’s Notes,” the blog, is about mine. But while his book is a lament, this blog will be a celebration. While his book was narrow in scope with the few things he was truly fanatical about, this blog will examine many subjects and items that have earned my fandom. 

I’m quickly filling my notebook with ideas, and every post henceforth will touch on something that elicits my unbridled enthusiasm: favorite books, beers, bands, movies, songs, poems, GIFs, lyrics, quotes, plays, pubs, outdoor activities, sports teams, travel destinations and other topics I may not discover until I begin writing.

Writing—that’s another reason behind this blog. I’ve long desired to get back to writing because I left journalism about two years ago when I took a corporate communications gig, and while I don’t have many regrets about making the move, the job can be soul-crushing at times.

I need a creative outlet, something I’ll never find at my 9-to-5 because none of the writing I do now has my byline or much left of my personality after rounds and rounds of edits. It all gets watered down to something that’s so, well, corporate.

There will be nothing corporate on these pages. Nothing political or religious, either—how sick are we all of the rancor and vitriol and division on social media today? Life’s too short to spend it ranting and arguing on Twitter. Remember, we’re all going to end up in the ground, just like Mr. Exley here.

Knowing our time is limited, I’d rather have fun. So I’m here to praise the people, places and things that have instilled within me appreciation, admiration and, yes, fandom. If nothing else, this journal will be joyful in its subject matter, joyful for me as I return to something I’ve loved for years—indeed one of the only things I’m any good at—putting pen to paper.

So with the preceding fan’s notes about a book I’ve been obsessed with for many years, and with a forthcoming focus on celebrating all the good I’ve encountered in the world, this blog is officially launched. No topic will be too big or too small, nor too serious or too whimsical.

Is there an audience for my ramblings about the things I find awesome? Probably not. Frankly, I don’t care. I’m not writing for clicks or reactions, for social shares or money, for anything other than keeping a record of the things I love and having fun stringing words together, something I’ve drifted away from in recent years.

But if you’ve stumbled upon this blog, or if you clicked over via a social post of mine, I hope you’ll follow my quest to discover all the things in life that are worthy of adoration. Perhaps you’ll join along and take the time to reflect on your own obsessions and fascinations.

If Ex were alive, I think he’d light a smoke and raise his drink in approval of the idea. I’m certain, in fact, that he would be a huge fan.